Knock. Knock.

The most terrifying and exciting aspect of knocking on a door
is not knowing what happens next.

I’m exhausted. Honestly, with the exception of my final weeks of college, I can’t remember a time in my life I’ve ever felt this bone-weary.

I’m terrified. In the past six months I’ve watched door after door close (or never open). Except for this one.

I attended a writers’ conference in April that I couldn’t afford because of the generosity of others. I met incredible men and women who were perfectly placed in my life in that specific moment to encourage me to lift my hand one more time. And I returned with an editor wanting a proposal, an agent wanting to meet, and two-thirds of a book to rewrite.

It feels like an eternity has passed, but in reality, it’s just been shy of two months.

Most days I feel like I’ve made little progress, but in reality I’ve finished a complete re-write of a nearly 50,000 word middle grade fantasy, and I’m about to finish the most in-depth proposal I’ve ever written for both the editor and agent.

That’s why I’m shaking.

During my conference I heard from more than one editor and agent that of all the writers they request work from more than 80 percent never respond. So, I thought, for every 10 pieces they ask to see, they get maybe two?

At the time I thought such behavior was completely insane. We’re writers. No matter what stage of our career we’re in we’re working towards publication, right? Being terrified of sending out queries and proposals cold is one thing. I completely understood that, but if someone was asking to see my work…that was the dream, wasn’t it?

Seven weeks later I have a better understanding of why so many writers drop off.

Perhaps, like me, they feel moments of intense pressure to submit something so perfect the editor can’t do anything but accept it.

Perhaps, like me, they love the fact that someone is waiting to see their work, but they fear the moment they send that piece out it will be yet another door that closes, or refuses to open.

And the pressure and fear continues to build until it becomes more than they can handle.

But what about the ones who push through, despite all of that?

For me, the past several weeks have seemed so long because they’ve been so full (and not with just writing). One day blurs into the next because I’ve had to train myself to focus on one thing at a time. First by finishing my rewrite, then by turning my attention to the proposal.

I’ve come to accept there is no such thing as a perfect book or book proposal. There is only my best effort to complete something I am heart-and-soul passionate about. 

No matter what my writing resume looks like, there will always be the chance an editor or agent will say no. But if I don’t take the risk and follow through, I’m not giving them the chance to say yes, either.

And, as a friend reminded me last night when I had a momentary breakdown, if someone asks to see our work it’s because they saw in us during that brief moment our paths crossed something that intrigued them. That made them want to know more.

The question I have been asking myself every day since I got home is: Am I one of the majority who holds back? Or will I be one of the few who despite the feelings of uncertainty steps out and keeps trying?

Which is why today, like every day for the past seven weeks, I’m plopping myself into my chair and blocking out as many distractions as possible so I can finish what I started. Then I’m going to go see if this door in front of me is going to open when I knock.

How about you?

30 Days of Thankfulness in Writing – Day 10: Mom & Dad

It’s easy to focus on the negative in the world around us. In observation of a month many dedicate to counting their blessings, I’ve started a 30-day challenge in which I’ll focus on one aspect of my writing life for which I am thankful. I’d love to have you join by sharing about something that has blessed your own writing life in the comments section below. - Jen

I really have my parents to thank for me becoming an active writer. After burning myself out my junior year of college my dad put me to work helping him at the family business. And I have learned more than just how to be a writer and editor as a result.

See, dad’s been in publishing in some form or other since I was a kid. First he moderated an electronic bulletin board back in the mid-80s, and he produced a small Atari Computer-related newsletter that eventually grew into a magazine. He eventually went to work for Atari’s in-house publication but found himself unexpectedly unemployed in the spring of 1992 when the company closed down its home computing department. After that he was approached by his former printer back in Oregon who ultimately ended up investing in my dad and helped him start Model Railroad News in 1995.

Working for a train magazine was never something I aspired to while growing up. To be fair, writing wasn’t on the agenda either. But here I was in the midst of a major life crisis and dad had a problem of his own, his long-time editor had decided to change everything about his life — including his family — and left without giving any notice. Needing something to do, I offered to help out with some simple projects until dad found a replacement, which we did more quickly than we expected. He was a retired teacher, a self-professed train nut, and an avid storyteller and writer. The one stipulation was that I stick around to do some of the editorial slog work. I had to keep busy somehow, so I agreed and found myself employed as an editorial assistant.

I learned more about War Bonnets and the Galloping Goose (nothing to do with birds or horses!), 3-bay hoppers and tank cars, and other railroad-related facts than I ever wanted to know. I also learned a lot about our nation’s history as a result. (Few people these days realize just how big a role the railroad played in the development of the United States.) Starting out, my main job was writing new product announcements for various manufacturers, which taught me the importance of conveying information in a clear and concise manner. I also began honing my editing skills by helping with the final copy edit of each issue. In the spring of 2002 I left the science world behind and signed up as and English and Writing major. My life as a writer began.

As with any job there are perks and pitfalls when it comes to working for a family-run business — for one, it’s always the main topic at family gatherings — but what I was learning in school complemented what I was doing at work, and vice versa. By the time I graduated two years later I had something most of my peers did not: actual work experience in my field of study. However, doing research I found most of the openings were looking for five years of experience, so I committed to working for the family for another three years.

Life happens and come January those three years will have stretched into eight, giving me my 10-year pin at LampLight Publishing. I have worked my way up the ladder to a Managing Editor position and get to torture my younger sister who became my editorial assistant to help pay her way through college.  Yes, there have been arguments and plenty of head butting along the way, but there have also been some incredible blessings. I’ve been able to continue my education through writing programs such as The Christian Writers Guild. I’ve been given time off to attend Writers Conferences. I’m able to take occasional personal days just because I want to write. And I’ve been able to be really involved in youth ministry, which I absolutely love with all my heart.

I’ll be the first to admit I don’t always like the subject matter of my job. There are also days I worry people won’t take me seriously because my parents sign my paycheck. (My Senior Editors have all been unrelated and taskmasters in their own right, by the by.) However, if it weren’t for this job I would never have dared to dream I could make my way through the world with a pen, a notebook, and an eye for details. 

As is true of many small business these days, things are really tight for our little publishing company, but we continue to press on, chugging up the hill like the Brave Little Steam Engine facing this economic downturn with determination one breath at a time (sorry, couldn’t resist). And my parents continue to encourage me to pursue the things in life I love most.

So mom and dad, in case I’ve never truly expressed my gratitude before, thanks! Thanks for giving me an experience not many parents can offer to their children. And thanks for helping me find where my true talents lie.

30 Days of Thankfulness in Writing – Day 6: Rejection

It’s easy to focus on the negative in the world around us. In observation of a month many dedicate to counting their blessings, I’ve started a 30-day challenge in which I’ll focus on one aspect of my writing life for which I am thankful. I’d love to have you join by sharing about something that has blessed your own writing life in the comments section below. - Jen

I’ll never forget the day I finished the first draft of my first book. I was elated. I was inspired. I was ready to take on the world. I combed through my Writer’s Market searching for the ideal agent to represent me. I spent hours crafting my first query letters. I checked and rechecked names and addresses to make sure I had everything right. Then I dropped an entire stack into the mail and waited for one of them to ask to see more pages.

Every single one of the letters came back with the dreaded canned rejection. I’d never felt like more of a failure in my life.

Fast-forward seven years. Today I can honestly say I am truly thankful for those rejections. I learned more from that experience than I ever did in a classroom. Because of those rejections I learned that just because a particular project isn’t accepted doesn’t mean I am incapable of writing anything of value. Those impersonal notes showed me how much I still had to learn about the craft of writing. I discovered the wisdom of sitting at the feet of those who had already gone through the early learning stages and could offer advice in how to avoid making the same mistakes.

Most importantly, I found that I have the drive and the desire to continue moving forward. That even without a book deal I can write, and do enjoy even the most infuriating aspects of it.

I am so thankful that story never made it into print. It would have been a disaster. Now I have gained experience where before I had none. I have a better idea of what it is I hope to accomplish with my writing. And I’m using these skills to dust off and rewrite the story I started so many years ago.

I have no guarantee it will be picked up this time either, but I know now that I can handle the rejections. I can also look for new lessons to be learned from those short, cryptic responses.

30 Days of Thankfulness in Writing – Day 2: Mentors

It’s easy to focus on the negative in the world around us. In observation of a month many dedicate to counting their blessings, I’ve started a 30-day challenge in which I’ll focus on one aspect of my writing life for which I am thankful. I’d love to have you join by sharing about something that has blessed your own writing life in the comments section below. - Jen

An editor I used to work with once said that if you wanted a bigger piece of pie, you had to make the pie bigger first. In other words, if you want to see more benefit from your efforts, you need to be willing to work with others to expand the territory. At the time he was talking about a couple of manufacturers who were squabbling over who had the rights to a certain bit of emerging technology, but what he said works for writing as well. The publishing world can appear cutthroat to outsiders. There are only so many book slots available in bookstores a year (though e-publishing is changing that), agents only take on so many new clients, and editors are a precious commodity. Once you get your start, if you want to make a living at writing your work really has to sell.

Then there’s the pie. When it comes to readers, there are only so many pieces to go around and those tastes are constantly changing. What is hot and fresh one day may be considered old and moldy the next.  Yet despite the survival of the fittest mantra we have pounded into our heads from an early age, I have rarely met a published writer who was unwilling to share a bit of insight with an aspiring writer. In my experience at least, it’s always been the exact opposite.

And that’s what I am thankful for today: the writers who have become my mentors. Some I have never met face to face, we’ve only worked together via electronic communication; others I’ve had the privilege to sit under for a spell. Each of them recognizes their time is a mere blink and wants to make sure there are other well-trained storytellers to take their place when they set their pen down for the final time. They don’t just lock themselves in their writer’s caves and turn out books — they dedicate a portion of their already busy lives to teaching.

These writers remind me of the ancient story keepers who took on apprentices and trained them until they could recite from memory the histories, fables, and tales of their culture. The main difference is my mentors taught me the rules of writing, how to avoid pitfalls they encountered, and they also encouraged me to find my own voice.

So to my mentors Norm Rohr, Douglas Hirt, John Perrodin, Suzanne Eller, Jim Bell, Jerry Jenkins, and all the others who have taken the time to pass on their valuable knowledge to the next generation: Thank you for working to make the pie a little bigger for all of us.

Walking on Water

“Lord, if it’s you,” Peter replied, “tell me to come to you on the water.” Matt 14:28

Growing up in Sunday School, I became very familiar with stories about David fighting Goliath, Jonah and the Great Fish, Daniel in the lion’s den, and Jesus feeding the multitude with two loaves and a fish. I loved imagining what it would be like if I’d been one of those people; if I’d seen what they’d seen, or done what they’d done.

I particularly liked to hear about Jesus walking out on the stormy sea towards a boat tossed about in the angry squall. What would it be like to walk on water, I wondered. Would I have stepped out like Peter? I was convinced that if I had, I would never have sunk though.

I happened across this passage again a couple weeks ago, and as I read it I could picture Peter standing with his hands on the rail, prepared to step over the side regardless of Jesus’ reply. He was ready to do the impossible.

It’s funny, when the story is told more emphasis is placed on Peter becoming distracted by the waves, sinking, and calling out for help. We focus on the fact that Jesus reached out immediately and pulled him up, indicating that God is always there to rescue his children, but we fail to realize that it doesn’t say Jesus ran to him and saved him. Peter was already near enough to be grabbed, which indicates he had walked quite a ways from the boat by that point.

History remembers the the names of those who step out of the boat. We know there were other disciples on board that night, but we don’t know how many, or specifically, which ones. Peter is the only one mentioned by name.

The same is true of war memorials. We remember those who risked all, not those who ran from the battlefield or stayed home. Marie Currie is remembered for exploring an anomaly on a piece of film placed on a rock, and for her subsequent work with radiation. The list goes on.

Dreams are just that…dreams…vapors in the night. That is, until we take the steps to turn them into reality. It requires courage, determination — and a bit of insanity. Notice that even after Peter got out of the boat and stood solidly on the sea, not a single person present attempted join him.

I have a song from Kutless I like to listen to when I’m struggling with decisions to stay still or move forward. It has a line that says, “It doesn’t matter what you’ve heard, impossible is not a word. It’s just a reason for someone not to try.”

When Jesus pulled Peter up and asked him “Why did you doubt?” it’s important to remember, he wasn’t chastising him for believing that if he got out of the boat he could walk forward through the massive waves, he was telling him not to become distracted by what was going on around him and to focus instead on his final destination.

I want to encourage you to do the same with your writing. Don’t be one of the nameless men on the boat. If you have been blessed with being given story to tell, step forward boldly. Don’t let anyone else distract you with tales of the impossibility of being published. Don’t become discouraged when your manuscript comes back with more red than black. Learn. Grow. And always remember: Even though writing is largely a solitary endeavor, you’re never alone. There will always be someone nearby to reach out a hand and pull you back up if you do begin to sink.

The Rejection Reward Program

I did it! After a year in which I took on more writing and editing jobs than I thought I could handle in my spare time, I finally finished revising my own book. Sure, it took a lot longer than I initially expected, but the past 12 months have brought me so much growth in terms of my understanding of writing, and the opportunities I’ve had have done a lot to boost my confidence in my skills. As I closed the final chapter late Sunday night I was able to sit back and say, this is a story I would read again. I honestly can’t say that for a lot of the things I’ve written in the past.

Now comes the bigger challenge: queries, book proposals, sample chapters, and rejection letters. This won’t be the first time I’ve submitted a book to agents and editors, and I don’t expect it will be any easier than previous attempts either. The one thing I have on my side this time is a little more experience and a great reward program.

I’ve heard stories of other writers taking each of their rejections and skewering it on a bill spike. Some use them for target practice. Others have simply burned them. I use them as an excuse to treat myself. It’s kind of like my coffee punch card, for every rejection letter I receive I get a stamp. Once my stamp card is filled, I get a book, or I go to dinner with a friend — something to celebrate the fact that I put myself out there.

The Rejection Reward Program serves two purposes, it helps take the sting out of a form letter (I get an extra stamp if the letter is a personal note), and it encourages me to keep trying. After all, who can say no to the reward of your choice?

I’ll keep you posted as to my progress in the weeks ahead. For those of you who are in the same stage of writing as me, I’d love to hear what you do to keep yourself motivated. You can answer via the comment section on this page, or visit me and connect with some other writers over on my Facebook Writer’s Page.

–Jen