Knock. Knock.

The most terrifying and exciting aspect of knocking on a door
is not knowing what happens next.

I’m exhausted. Honestly, with the exception of my final weeks of college, I can’t remember a time in my life I’ve ever felt this bone-weary.

I’m terrified. In the past six months I’ve watched door after door close (or never open). Except for this one.

I attended a writers’ conference in April that I couldn’t afford because of the generosity of others. I met incredible men and women who were perfectly placed in my life in that specific moment to encourage me to lift my hand one more time. And I returned with an editor wanting a proposal, an agent wanting to meet, and two-thirds of a book to rewrite.

It feels like an eternity has passed, but in reality, it’s just been shy of two months.

Most days I feel like I’ve made little progress, but in reality I’ve finished a complete re-write of a nearly 50,000 word middle grade fantasy, and I’m about to finish the most in-depth proposal I’ve ever written for both the editor and agent.

That’s why I’m shaking.

During my conference I heard from more than one editor and agent that of all the writers they request work from more than 80 percent never respond. So, I thought, for every 10 pieces they ask to see, they get maybe two?

At the time I thought such behavior was completely insane. We’re writers. No matter what stage of our career we’re in we’re working towards publication, right? Being terrified of sending out queries and proposals cold is one thing. I completely understood that, but if someone was asking to see my work…that was the dream, wasn’t it?

Seven weeks later I have a better understanding of why so many writers drop off.

Perhaps, like me, they feel moments of intense pressure to submit something so perfect the editor can’t do anything but accept it.

Perhaps, like me, they love the fact that someone is waiting to see their work, but they fear the moment they send that piece out it will be yet another door that closes, or refuses to open.

And the pressure and fear continues to build until it becomes more than they can handle.

But what about the ones who push through, despite all of that?

For me, the past several weeks have seemed so long because they’ve been so full (and not with just writing). One day blurs into the next because I’ve had to train myself to focus on one thing at a time. First by finishing my rewrite, then by turning my attention to the proposal.

I’ve come to accept there is no such thing as a perfect book or book proposal. There is only my best effort to complete something I am heart-and-soul passionate about. 

No matter what my writing resume looks like, there will always be the chance an editor or agent will say no. But if I don’t take the risk and follow through, I’m not giving them the chance to say yes, either.

And, as a friend reminded me last night when I had a momentary breakdown, if someone asks to see our work it’s because they saw in us during that brief moment our paths crossed something that intrigued them. That made them want to know more.

The question I have been asking myself every day since I got home is: Am I one of the majority who holds back? Or will I be one of the few who despite the feelings of uncertainty steps out and keeps trying?

Which is why today, like every day for the past seven weeks, I’m plopping myself into my chair and blocking out as many distractions as possible so I can finish what I started. Then I’m going to go see if this door in front of me is going to open when I knock.

How about you?

Back to the Storyboard!

For the first time in two years, I’m getting ready to submit a book query. All my chapters have been edited and re-edited. The story flows well. All but one or two of the loose ends have been tied up — and those left are meant to leave the reader to wonder and imagine what will possibly be coming next. And finally, I’m about finished polishing my query and proposal.

It’s both exciting and intimidating. On one hand I feel as if I’m setting out on a grand adventure with no idea where I’ll end up and no promise it will end in happily ever after. On the other hand, I could compare it to trying to land a dream job in our cruddy economy. All I have to do to see the “competition” I’m up against is search any number of the writing hashtags used on Twitter. There are some pretty amazing, dedicated writers out there right now.

And yet, I find myself incredibly inspired. I believe in my work. And from what I’ve heard back from some of my test readers, my writing is engaging, the story is intriguing and fun, and they’re really looking forward to holding a hardbound copy in their hands instead of having a Word Doc on their computer.

The thing I keep asking myself though is, what do I do with myself while I’m sending out queries and waiting for responses?

For one, I’ve had a chance to catch up on some of the books that have been piling up next to my bed the past few months. I also have a few non-fiction writing projects I’m in the middle of. But lately I’ve spent more time in the business side of writing than the creative side. Between edits, letters, pitches, and blogs, it’s been months since I wrote anything brand new (other than taking a few notes here and there that is). Sure, I’ve spent the last few months with the characters in my book, but it’s been revisiting the same story. Like any hooked reader, I keep wondering…what happens next?

So that’s what I aim to find out. I’m dusting off some old notes, refreshing my memory regarding outlines and histories, and going back to writing fresh scenes. Really, what better time is there to start the next chapter then when I’m still on the high of completing a major project?

Oh, and I just realized that there’s an added bonus…it’ll keep my mind occupied while waiting for a response to the queries that are about to go out!

The Rejection Reward Program

I did it! After a year in which I took on more writing and editing jobs than I thought I could handle in my spare time, I finally finished revising my own book. Sure, it took a lot longer than I initially expected, but the past 12 months have brought me so much growth in terms of my understanding of writing, and the opportunities I’ve had have done a lot to boost my confidence in my skills. As I closed the final chapter late Sunday night I was able to sit back and say, this is a story I would read again. I honestly can’t say that for a lot of the things I’ve written in the past.

Now comes the bigger challenge: queries, book proposals, sample chapters, and rejection letters. This won’t be the first time I’ve submitted a book to agents and editors, and I don’t expect it will be any easier than previous attempts either. The one thing I have on my side this time is a little more experience and a great reward program.

I’ve heard stories of other writers taking each of their rejections and skewering it on a bill spike. Some use them for target practice. Others have simply burned them. I use them as an excuse to treat myself. It’s kind of like my coffee punch card, for every rejection letter I receive I get a stamp. Once my stamp card is filled, I get a book, or I go to dinner with a friend — something to celebrate the fact that I put myself out there.

The Rejection Reward Program serves two purposes, it helps take the sting out of a form letter (I get an extra stamp if the letter is a personal note), and it encourages me to keep trying. After all, who can say no to the reward of your choice?

I’ll keep you posted as to my progress in the weeks ahead. For those of you who are in the same stage of writing as me, I’d love to hear what you do to keep yourself motivated. You can answer via the comment section on this page, or visit me and connect with some other writers over on my Facebook Writer’s Page.

–Jen